look for me
not where I was
nor where I will be
but where I AM
look there
and you will always find me
optimising for truth, goodness and beauty
look for me
not where I was
nor where I will be
but where I AM
look there
and you will always find me
to love
is to hear the echo of lack in a being
and breathe into the empty space
with touch
with words
with gifts
with acts
with presence
sometimes that being is your long-time lover
sometimes a stranger, a friend, a flower, a dog
sometimes that being is you
So I wait for them to go away
The dreams too dear to pay
And I toss and turn at night, awake
So no more dreams can come my way…
our mastery of love
is reflected less in what we give on a sunny day
but rather in what we are able to receive when it’s storming
there are times in a life
when we’re forced to go deeper
deeper below to find stable ground
below all the water
there is landmass that holds us
in place
and connects us to every man’s land
there’s no need to wave to the shore to get rescued
there’s no need to swim – there’s nowhere to go!
the turbulent whitewash is caused by your arm-strokes
your kicking creating the currents below
I spent an hour in the lap pool with no one else around. Too weak to swim laps I instead moved slowly with tai chi like strokes, feeling weightless water caressing my skin, hearing the billion different nuances of the sound of water, observing the optical illusions created by movement. Enjoying the metaphor – only in absolute stillness did the water reflect the world around me. The tropical lushness, the blue sky above. Even the slightest breath out would distort the picture of reality reflected on the surface. And I found a part of me that has expected to always be able to see the truth, and therefore has held its breath to not disturb the water.
we are
each of us
but a day
only. one. day.
Anger is electrical discharge, as necessary as the lighting in the sky. Directed into the ether, it does no damage. Hence we should not suppress it, but rather learn how to steer it in a safe direction. Not towards revenge, not towards causing pain to ourselves or others, but into the safe ether. When no longer dangerous, it becomes but a beautiful flash in the sky.
was it my explosion of pain
that blew it all up, in the end?
was it all my fault?
or was it my implosion of me
that made it work at all?
did I lie to myself all this time?
we search for purpose – our song
but what if it’s not our purpose we need to find
but the pain inside that goes so deep
we cannot but sing as it kills us
and the ’now’ keeps on moving
and my life pass me by
whilst I’m chasing my tail
my tail of forgiveness
that’s always been there
right behind me
my garden reminds me of you
I look away
and you go wild
I make a plan
but you grow in a different direction
I give you a sunny spot
with fertile soil and I water and water
but you don’t like me trying to change you
and you die on me
THAT IS the human experience:
to take on ONE perspective, out of infinite possible ones, and make it subjectively Right
to create a personality around it
to embrace and protect it
to live it
knowing the perspective is not static
knowing it is only one of many
have we ever really lived
until we’ve loved us through a naked goodbye
seeing only beauty through the tears
have we ever really loved
until we’ve lived the moment of complete surrender to impermanence
loved – not because of a dream nor a history, but the everlasting now
loved – bravely, with death sitting beside us
no place is lonelier
than amongst
yet invisible
more painful than pain
is the pain no one sees
like most people
I simply wish to inspire POSITIVE CHANGE
and – as proven
I can do that by sharing MY thoughts, MY feelings, and MY actions
not necessarily wisdom and advice
Bitterness is dense like the salty Dead Sea
It can feel great to float on the surface for a while
But it’s hard to get out, to push your feet down to the bottom, back to solid ground
Like the Dead Sea, it’s toxic water
The rip will get you out
The waves will get you in
Paddle, wait, catch, and enjoy the ride!
There isn’t really much more to it than that
Am I coming, am I staying, am I leaving.
Am I spring, am I summer, or fall.
there is no you, there is no me
it’s only mirrors that we see
Like flashlights in the night we shine our beliefs around us
Anxious about the shadows they cast
Eager to be joined by others, to expand our common light
That would move the shadows further away
They will still be there though
The shadows
At the outskirts of the light
Over and over again I remember, and then forget
Forget and try to get a head start by assuming the direction
Because I feel left behind
Because I feel judged and judge myself
Because I feel I’m wasting time, waiting patiently instead of running
Patience is no longer taught as a virtue
Action is the virtue in our world
Impatient minds dictating the values
Impatient minds that are sometimes lucky, accidentally running in the right direction