So I wait for them to go away
The dreams too dear to pay
And I toss and turn at night, awake
So no more dreams can come my way…
on the other side
I have space to breathe again
passionately – not merely for survival
Anger is electrical discharge, as necessary as the lighting in the sky. Directed into the ether, it does no damage. Hence we should not suppress it, but rather learn how to steer it in a safe direction. Not towards revenge, not towards causing pain to ourselves or others, but into the safe ether. When no longer dangerous, it becomes but a beautiful flash in the sky.
was it my explosion of pain
that blew it all up, in the end?
was it all my fault?
or was it my implosion of me
that made it work at all?
did I lie to myself all this time?
and the ’now’ keeps on moving
and my life pass me by
whilst I’m chasing my tail
my tail of forgiveness
that’s always been there
right behind me
There is no accident
There is the before:
The point of insight that this is not going to end well
The low January sun is still up
And the after:
It’s dark and I’m on the road
I don’t have the in between
The place where all change happens
Until he pulled me out
Your wave pulled me forward
The rip pulled me back
I stayed where I was
I knew nothing else
But MY rip and YOUR wave
I knew nothing else
in her heart, she’s in there with them
in the room warmed up by love and fire
in her heart, there is no glass between them
no window to look through
and so she never thinks of asking
if she could come in to the warmth
through the front door
I trust that you tear only that which is weak
that Old is destroyed to make room for the New
that this too is good, that this too will ease
that there’s love in your force, my Hurricane Grief
I am filled with gratitude
that we have learned the art of fighting and forgiving
Myself and I
the most important relationship
the most important love
I wake up and you are there
Before any thoughts
Before any other feelings
I sense you
Vibrating within me
Shaking unease into every cell of my body
Shouting “Danger!” to my system
And so the battle begins…
The point is my tears, my fear, my sadness. My feeling of failure, of hopelessness, of loneliness. My surrender and my acceptance.
Raw feelings, served on a plate of words.
As I have promised you.