We Have To Keep Dreaming

So I wait for them to go away
The dreams too dear to pay
And I toss and turn at night, awake
So no more dreams can come my way…

2018: Anger, Regret, Acceptance and Family

Anger is electrical discharge, as necessary as the lighting in the sky. Directed into the ether, it does no damage. Hence we should not suppress it, but rather learn how to steer it in a safe direction. Not towards revenge, not towards causing pain to ourselves or others, but into the safe ether. When no longer dangerous, it becomes but a beautiful flash in the sky.

The Child And The Voices

was it my explosion of pain
that blew it all up, in the end?
was it all my fault?

or was it my implosion of me
that made it work at all?
did I lie to myself all this time?

Forgiven

and the ’now’ keeps on moving
and my life pass me by
whilst I’m chasing my tail
my tail of forgiveness
that’s always been there
right behind me

Quadrilogy Of Silence

There is no accident

There is the before:
The point of insight that this is not going to end well
The low January sun is still up
And the after:
It’s dark and I’m on the road

I don’t have the in between
The place where all change happens

Swimming

Until he pulled me out
Your wave pulled me forward
The rip pulled me back
I stayed where I was
I knew nothing else
But MY rip and YOUR wave

I knew nothing else
But swimming

Standing At A Window Looking In

in her heart, she’s in there with them
in the room warmed up by love and fire

in her heart, there is no glass between them
no window to look through

and so she never thinks of asking
if she could come in to the warmth
through the front door

Hurricane Grief

I trust that you tear only that which is weak
that Old is destroyed to make room for the New
that this too is good, that this too will ease
that there’s love in your force, my Hurricane Grief

The Art of Fighting and Forgiving

I am filled with gratitude
that we have learned the art of fighting and forgiving

Myself and I

the most important relationship
the most important love

A Poem to Anxiety

I wake up and you are there

Before any thoughts
Before any other feelings
I sense you
Vibrating within me
Shaking unease into every cell of my body
Shouting “Danger!” to my system

And so the battle begins…

My Fear. My Sadness. My Failure.

The point is my tears, my fear, my sadness. My feeling of failure, of hopelessness, of loneliness. My surrender and my acceptance.

Raw feelings, served on a plate of words.
As I have promised you.

The Moment Before Surrender

That moment before acceptance, peace
when the darkness embraces me
with love
And I twist and turn to get away
But it holds me like a mother holds an upset child
Until I finally surrender in its arms

That moment just before it releases me to run back into the light to play

Trött | Tired

Men mest av allt är jag bara trött
Svärdshugg och simtag och svidande tar på krafterna
Och jag drömmer om lugnet som ska komma sen
sen, när allt det tröttande är borta
Jag drömmer och glömmer att sätta mig i gläntan, vila vid bojen, låta svidandet visa att jag lever
Min trötthet vrider mig ut och in
Som en törstig trollkar som dricker upp sig själv
Jag försvinner, BLIR tröttheten
Tynar bort under trötthetsklagan
Som jag glömmer

Jag är för trött för att höra den

Tears Without Stories

my world feels empty, deprived of my safety stories
there’s only naked pain
and there’s nothing left to do
but to feel it