optimising for truth, goodness and beauty
seven children came:
four flanked my heart
the fifth I had to cradle
the sixth pointed the way
the seventh spoke the truth:
life is madness
but there’s method to the madness
and truth to the method
and God in the truth
as long as there are children
look for me
not where I was
nor where I will be
but where I AM
look there
and you will always find me
to love
is to hear the echo of lack in a being
and breathe into the empty space
with touch
with words
with gifts
with acts
with presence
sometimes that being is your long-time lover
sometimes a stranger, a friend, a flower, a dog
sometimes that being is you
So I wait for them to go away
The dreams too dear to pay
And I toss and turn at night, awake
So no more dreams can come my way…
and the devil was there, waiting on the shoulder…
please lock us down!, we cried as we saw him
hide us so death cannot find us!
sure, the devil replied with a grin
collecting our freedoms, collecting our future
you’ll give them back for sure, can you promise?
we signed without reading the fine print…
sometimes
we need to see our own reflection
in broken mirrors
to see who we really are
our mastery of love
is reflected less in what we give on a sunny day
but rather in what we are able to receive when it’s storming
art is but a perspective
an opinion presented as a question to the soul
a true artist facilitates integration
piece by piece, art makes us whole
‘what do you need?’, I ask
‘a miracle’, you answer
your eyes drop
you look away
ashamed of feeling powerless
and so you never notice the sparkles and glow in the air around me
as you utter
the word
miracle
in the space
between you
and you
your absence is heavy
weighting me down
as I hang in there
was it you hiding
or me not looking?
it’s quite a detail to miss, you heading another way
not loving enough to curiously see me
was it me hiding
or you not looking?
in my river
you now are
flowing calmly towards endlessness
streams effortlessly converged
unexpectedly, past a meander
our waters forever intertwined
amongst green hills of gratitude
under clear skies of love
there are times in a life
when we’re forced to go deeper
deeper below to find stable ground
below all the water
there is landmass that holds us
in place
and connects us to every man’s land
there’s no need to wave to the shore to get rescued
there’s no need to swim – there’s nowhere to go!
the turbulent whitewash is caused by your arm-strokes
your kicking creating the currents below
days I cook with all I have
times I’m true to all there is
my supper
is taken
in solitude…
I spent an hour in the lap pool with no one else around. Too weak to swim laps I instead moved slowly with tai chi like strokes, feeling weightless water caressing my skin, hearing the billion different nuances of the sound of water, observing the optical illusions created by movement. Enjoying the metaphor – only in absolute stillness did the water reflect the world around me. The tropical lushness, the blue sky above. Even the slightest breath out would distort the picture of reality reflected on the surface. And I found a part of me that has expected to always be able to see the truth, and therefore has held its breath to not disturb the water.
we are
each of us
but a day
only. one. day.
left was the one
veiled in the shadows
beating herself up with bare hand
not chosen
not loved
her dreams without passports
citizen only of nothingness land…
we are children of a disconnected world
picking wings of butterflies
fascinated by their beauty
surprised when they die
but not guilt-ridden – they had it coming!
why else would they be pretty?
and after all, they landed in our hands…
the second the world fell apart
we became the opposite sides
of the same, damaged coin
the second the world fell apart
we broke into old pieces
we broke into old patterns:
me, sacrificing truth
you, sacrificing trust
I lost you
as you free-fell into your pain
a place where only you exist
I lost me
as I free-fell into your pain
desperate to find you there, to not be left alone
and so you lost me, too
Anger is electrical discharge, as necessary as the lighting in the sky. Directed into the ether, it does no damage. Hence we should not suppress it, but rather learn how to steer it in a safe direction. Not towards revenge, not towards causing pain to ourselves or others, but into the safe ether. When no longer dangerous, it becomes but a beautiful flash in the sky.
I ask of you to stay with me
the night is dark and eerie
the wind is whispering memories
that stir up dusty fear
but halfway through you’re out of sight
you’re out of touch
I’m freaking out!
afraid your heart’s run off
it too afraid
and left me here…
was it my explosion of pain
that blew it all up, in the end?
was it all my fault?
or was it my implosion of me
that made it work at all?
did I lie to myself all this time?
we search for purpose – our song
but what if it’s not our purpose we need to find
but the pain inside that goes so deep
we cannot but sing as it kills us
Johanna Benevole 