after reading my last blog post a friend sent me this message:
Wow! 🙌🏻 Love love love the way you write yourself Right.
which instantly threw me into a short but intense existential crisis…
***
yes, of course, I realised, that’s what I do in my musings!
write myself Right…
and it felt so WRONG to write myself Right!
so there I was
in the middle of the night
face to face with a belief I didn’t know I had:
it is WRONG to take on one single perspective, and make it Right!
***
those who know me would agree:
I’m a master of perspectives
of arguing the other side
of doubting what appears to be
well aware, there isn’t ONE truth
the flip side:
the risk of loosing touch with the singular perspective that is ME
to value it
and be proud of it
because THAT IS the human experience:
to take on ONE perspective, out of infinite possible ones, and make it subjectively Right
to create a personality around it
to embrace and protect it
to live it
knowing the perspective is not static
knowing it is only one of many
***
For periods, I’ve been writing only poetry
because poetry leaves perspective open
poetry is not opinion
poetry is not Right
poetry is feelings
posting musings, however
has been anxiety-ridden for me
because it’s a reflection not of my emotions, but my thoughts
not of my heart, but my ego – my unique perspective
and I’ve struggled to stand up for it
knowing its passing and questionable nature
***
my friend’s praising words filled me with shame
shame for implying I am Right
shame hiding judgement, judgement hiding fear, fear of … being Wrong?
I can debate my own opinions from different perspectives any day of the week
hence they will always be wrong
well, right, wrong, two sides of a coin
what is there to fear?
so I wrote this musing on Musing
watching fear evaporate at the light of awareness
acknowledging that MY perspective, however shifting, is ALWAYS Right
that is the beauty of being human!
Johanna Benevole 