Building An Ark

during my first large renovation – a 1890’s three bedder in what’s now the coolest part of Gothenburg
I tore it all down, ripped it all up, to see what was underneath
to find the authenticity
I bought profiled skirting boards and with heavy determination and negotiation I got them home by bus
then I sat there, every evening after work, cutting edges with a little saw
trying to fit the pieces together

a few years on
in Australia
a relationship slowly died because he asked me to renovate ‘later’
and ‘later’ never came…

so I let go, but fell in love again
this time with a neglected 1930’s federation house
night after night I filled in his gaps with No More Gap
until we both were whole again

so I let go, and fell in love again
a 1,5 acre property on the northern New South Wales countryside
the house structurally finished
whole and stable
but otherwise – the interior detailing, the gardens – a white canvas
just like me…

***

it’s not that I am good at it – I’m neither handy nor knowledgable
it’s not that I have a clear vision – I’ve never known the ‘why’ nor the ‘what’ until afterwards
in frustrating moments I feel like Noah being asked to build an ark in the desert
I, on the Australian countryside, far away from family and friends
driven not by sense, but an intangible feeling

***

if being an artist means surrendering to a non-negotiable force pushing you through a never ending cycle of excitement, passion, frustration, self-doubt, despair, relief
towards the reflection of some internal truth
knowing you have no choice but to follow
in pure faith
then I’m a spacial artist
using houses as my canvas
then I’m a visual artist
using poetry to paint metaphors, windows into our hearts

through spaces and poetry I reflect myself onto the world
so I can see my true self
so you can see yourself in me

***

when we surrender to being artists at the mercy of creation
we can find compassion towards the hard sacrifices
compassion towards the obstacles – stuckness, unproductivity, indecisiveness
for it’s not about the destination
it’s about the uncompromisable truth
in a world where that seems out of fashion…

***

space and poetry are my primary artistic mediums
the timber of my ark
that will contain and carry my truth

what are yours?

miguel-bruna-653087-unsplash

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