I wrote the following piece for my ten year anniversary in Australia. 10 years – some years of fun, some years of breaking, some years of fighting, some years of healing, and finally, acceptance. A decade of asking myself who I am, and finally understanding the answer: many. Not ‘many’ to be forced into one, but ‘many’ to be set free.

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a girl stepped out of an aeroplane
on a foggy April morning
tripped and fell
and like a porcelain doll hitting the ground
she broke into pieces

***

for years and years
I tried to fix her
failing to recognise
that she was still the same
that she was ALWAYS made of THOSE. EXACT. PIECES.
only, I could now look at each piece, one at the time
and see them individually
like, REALLY SEE them

the inside, too

***

me, then:
an idealistic dictator
trying so hard to force integration
gluing with my golden glue
to make the doll’s face pretty
doing what I thought was best
knowing no one wants to play with a doll in pieces

only: we are NOT MEANT to be played with!

***

a decade later, the dictator abrogated
finally free, my precious pieces
to roam the world as they see fit

and in acceptance of each other as separate
we integrate
not as one, but as PIECES OF
with different dreams, different strengths, different needs

a family

***

we, now:
one, yet not
individual fragments of a broken doll
in symbiosis

no good for playing with
but hell, we’re having fun together!